


Behind Allen's Mask

by grassycheesecake



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: F/M, actually in the canon universe, more or less
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2016-07-07
Packaged: 2018-04-20 08:22:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4780430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grassycheesecake/pseuds/grassycheesecake
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Allen Walker and Lenalee Lee are each other's worlds, and it's hard to care that much about someone without falling in love. This is the story of two exorcists being in love, and searching for a way to be together outside of the order's gaze.</p><p>(This fic has been abandoned for now. I might finish it someday, but probably not.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Boy in The Mask

**Author's Note:**

> This story begins at the end the destruction of the Black order arc when the order is just about to move to the new building. It will switch between Allen and Lenalee's points of view, and will contain spoilers up to the newest chapter.

Lenalee ~

It was a cool night. The Autumn air was crisp and sharp in her lungs, the wind icy, with a promise of Winter yet to come. Lenalee sighed and looked around, filling her eyes with the sight of the familiar forest. It was the last time she would ever see this place, her lifelong home. The next day, she would be accompanying Allen and her brother to the new building.  
“Allen,” she murmured. She was afraid for him. The ability of the player was manifesting, he had been accused of a connection to the fourteenth noah.  So many things had happened in so short a time. Her thoughts drifted to him so often. She always wanted to see more of him, to help him though the accusations against him. Perhaps what worried her wasn't losing the place she had grown up in after all. Perhaps she was worried about what changes may await in the new Order. For herself and her loved ones.  
Her thoughts were interrupted then by a strong gust of wind, rattling her anklets. She looked down at them, and the dull reflection of moonlight they produced. Allen wasn't the only one who had changed. Lenalee smiled to herself, she had new-found strength of her own.  
The wind had started to grow colder, and it carried the sound of rustling and movement.  The girl turned her head, and was shocked when Allen appeared in front of her.  He was slipping through the trees and the undergrowth at the edge of the clearing.  He looked distracted, and he didn't appear to have detected Lenalee's presence.    
“Allen?” The name slipped out of her mouth, quiet and surprised. Not too quiet though, it seemed, for he turned to face her, as surprised as she  was.    
Allen~  
Allen was dreaming a terrible dream. The faceless figure of the fourteenth had reached out from his reflection and grabbed hold of his arm.  Allen struggled desperately for freedom, but to no avail. He was pulled into the nightmare world beyond the glass.  There he saw his fellow exorcists, his friends, lain out dead on the ground.   In front of the bodies, there were two people standing just out of reach.  He  was forced to watch, frozen, as he saw a noah version of himself reach out to Lenalee and cut her throat. Then, in the way of dreams, his other self stood just in front of Allen staring into his eyes. The noah's eyes were cold and heartless.  The exorcist felt a jabbing pain in his stomach, and his other self flash a wicked grin. “This is your fate,” hissed the voice of the fourteenth from everywhere at once.  “You will be taken over by hatred and disappear, and you will destroy everyone and everything that you hold dear.    
Then Allen woke, bolt upright, and drenched in a cold sweat. The nightmares came almost every night, how could they not? But they never ceased to terrify him. He stood, and slipped on a shirt over his chest, bare but for the bandages that hid his wounds. He had been hurt worse than any of the other exorcists when the order was invaded. He had lied to his friends about the extent of his injuries, but he was still a few week from recovery. Fastening the buttons was slow and difficult at that point, but he managed.    
The boy slipped out of his room in silence, careful not to wake the inspector.  He walked a little ways down the hallway, and stopped to lean back against the wall.  The castle was silent and calm, and the peaceful atmosphere help to quell the feeling of nightmare horror in his head.  He decided not to visit the kitchen as he normally did on sleepless nights. Instead, he decided to sneak outside.  The cool night air had always done well to clear his head.  

Afraid of being caught by the sounds of the elevator, Allen had no choice but to stumble down countless flights of stairs.  A wall of cold air hit him as soon as he left the stairwell, causing the exorcist to gasp like someone had hit him.  Nevertheless, the cold air served its purpose in clearing Allen's head.  He sighed as the last of his terror faded away.  Once his mind was calm and his lungs were adjusted, he made his way out toward the walls.    
There was a hidden door in the wall surrounding the castle. It was nearly invisible from the outside, and it could only be opened from the inside.  Allen supposed it must be some sort of escape route.  Allen had slipped out before, using a nearby stone to prop the door open for his return. That night however, the door was already open.  It was held with the same stone allen had used previously.  Slipping through the narrow opening, he reminded himself to be cautious of other people in the forest.  
After some time wandering alone, Allen loosened his caution. His legs led him deep into the forest, further than he had ever ventured before.  It wasn't long before his mind started to wander as well.    
He thought of his dream, and of Lenalee. Many deaths haunted Allen's eyes when he slept. Some, memories of horrors witnessed in the waking world. Others, were terrifying premonitions of deaths yet to come. They were of his own death, his friends' deaths, the order's destruction.  Each time was more horrible that the last.  The visions of Lenalee were always the worst. Her deaths were the most violent and terrible, enough so to haunt Allen well into his waking hours. . It was no mystery why. Allen had known exactly how he felt about her since their reunion in Japan.   She was a constant presence in his mind, and she cared enough to seek out the emotions he kept hidden.  She saw through his act of bravery, and she was just so beautiful.  Allen's heart had never stood a chance.   
A branch brushed his face snapped his mind back to the present. He had somehow wandered into a thick clump of trees, but there was something that looked like a clearing ahead of him.  Checking that he was still alone, he turned sideways and slipped between the trees.  His eyes stayed fixed on the forest behind him.   Then a single word broke through his silence, so quiet he barely heard it. He spun around and found himself staring at the face of all his dreams and of all his nightmares, Lenalee Lee.  


	2. Glimpsing Behind the Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allen and Lenalee share words in the forest, and something rather unexpected happens.

~Lenalee

“Allen!” came her voice a second time, “What are you...”   
“I couldn't sleep,” came his reply. He grinned sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck, “I guess now I know who had the door open, huh?”  
Lenalee stifled her surprised face, and smiled back at him. “I guess so, I couldn't sleep either.” Her heart was still racing. Why had Allen chosen that moment to appear? She had been so lost in thoughts of him, but the sight of the real thing sent her heartbeat fluttering and her mind doing back-flips. She had never reacted that way to him before, but something felt different in the air around them, as though everything around them had tensed up with anticipation.   
Lenalee shook her head once to clear away the rampaging thoughts. She manged to choke out a sentence in a voice that sounded normal enough. “ If you've been walking around out here as long as I have, maybe we should both sit.” She gestured to a fallen tree at the edge of the clearing. Allen nodded and smiled, sitting down on one end. Sitting down close beside him, Lenalee found herself disappointed when her fellow youth shifted away, giving her space as always.   
They sat in silence for several moments, and Lenalee felt as though she could feel the absence of sound swirling around them, enveloping them. Still, it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, she could sense that Allen was relaxed, and she striven to do the same.   
The girl's head turned to the person beside her, and her head filled with thoughts of him for the second time that night. He always tried to be such a gentleman towards everyone, especially herself. There were moments when it slipped, like when she woke up to be reunited with him in Japan. Yet, he was always trying to be polite, to give her space. He never seemed to think that might want to be close. Lenalee knew that people noticed her. It was only natural, she supposed, with the skirt on her uniform, but she didn't have a choice about that. She new that Lavi had a slight crush on her, although he had crushes on many people. Allen was different. Lenalee wanted with every shred of her existence that Allen would notice her, that he would be less polite, because she wanted to be closer to him. It was so different on missions, she thought. He had taken her hand, he had held her in her terror of the fallen one, he caught her when she fell in the ark. But when they were home and the stress was over, he would always keep his “polite” distance, he would barely meet her eyes. Why did he have to be so-  
“Lenalee,” Allen's voice broke the silence, cutting the girl's thoughts short. Lenalee turned to face Allen, and found him staring into the stars, his silver eye glimmered softly in the moonlight.   
“Lenalee, can you promise me something?” His words surprised Lenalee. He turned to face her, and smiled the saddest smile she had ever seen. Her eyes widened as he continued in a soft voice. “I don't know what's going to happen to me. I don't know who the fourteenth is, or why I'm connected to him, and it scares me. If anything ever happens to me, if I ever do anything against you or the order, I want you to stop me. Or at the very least, let me stop myself.”   
The girl stared in shock, at what had been revealed to her. The piece of darkness that Allen had let slip from his heart was greater than what she had ever imagined. “Allen, I can't”  
“Please,” he interrupted again. “Just promise not to stop me from doing what needs to be done, if that time comes. I don't know what the fourteenth has to do with me, and I don't know what will happen in the future. I just need to know somebody will be on my side, and will let me do what I have to.”  
Lenalee looked into Allen's eyes, and saw closed her own. She reached down, and her fingers of her left hand brushed one of the bands circling her ankles. She felt the coolness of the metal, and the deep power that coursed within them. As she shifted her right, she felt the rough bark of the fallen tree below her palm. Ancient, but dying, it's energy fading. The very opposite of what she had felt with her other hand. The sensation of the difference, and the sharp tension in the air, seemed to supercharge her senses. She breathed two words, but felt the weight of a thousand more lift from her shoulders. “I promise.”  
Lenalee watched as Allen slipped slowly into a gentle smile, a contrast to the sadness in his eyes. Still, for the first time that night, his expression looked sincere. She watched as his left hand reached forward, and rested his fingertips on her own. “Lenalee, th-”  
“ALLEN WALKER,” someone shouted from far off, shattering the peace around them. Lenalee's heart sank as Allen pulled his hand away, and turned his head back toward the castle, in the direction the voice had come from. His face changed quickly, melting back into the falsely playful smile he wore so often.   
“Sorry Lenalee,” he said with a laugh too obviously fake, “it looks like Link noticed I was gone. I should go before he gets mad and finds your brother.”   
Lenalee nodded, remembering that Allen was under constant surveillance by an employee of central. “I'll wait a few minutes before going back, so we don't both get in trouble.” In her head, Lenalee knew that the smile she wore must look as fake as Allen's. As he stood and turned the away from her, Lenalee felt her heartbeat move faster. She wanted to do something, to say something, before he left. She wanted to do something with her fluttering heartbeat, instead of simply ignore it.   
Without thinking, she ran a step forward, and took Allen's hand. He turned, openly surprised and off balance, stumbling forward. Completely lost now in her storm of emotions, Lenalee turned her head up, and kissed Allen just as he caught his balance facing her.   
Her lips brushed against the boy's for only a fraction a moment, before her common sense regained itself. She stepped back, and saw Allen's face flushing redder and redder. Her heartbeat multiplied ten thousand times, and her own face was hot. Yet somehow, beneath the raging torrent of emotions, she was strangely calm. Looking at Allen, she smiled playfully, and spoke, “Goodnight. Allen.” Then she slipped into the trees. 

Allen~

Allen Walker was panicking. Lenalee Lee, the kindest, strongest, most beautiful person he had ever met, had just kissed him. “L Lena l lee,” he choked on her name, before realizing that he was alone. She was long gone, disappeared into the trees, leaving him alone. He was torn between being glad she hadn't seen the extent the confusion, and disappointed that he hadn't had the time to... to what? Allen yelled at himself inside his head. He had been too shocked to move, let alone react. Then there was the issue of Lenalee's brother. Suddenly the boy was thankful he had left Timcampy asleep in his room. If Komui found out... Allen let out an involuntary shudder.   
“Walker!” for the second time that night, Link's impatient voice shook him from the haze that enveloped his mind. Allen turned to see Link crashing through the thick trees at the edge of clearing. “What?” began link, brushing stray leaves and creases from his uniform, are you doing here?   
The white haired youth shrugged slightly, “I couldn't sleep, I thought fresh air might clear my head. In any case, I was heading back.” He turned before Link had a chance to lecture him further, and slid back between the trees, and set off back toward the castle.   
What had happened back in that clearing? Why had Lenalee... It was no use. Every time he tried to think about what had happened, his heart started beating like a wild animal trying to escape from his chest, and his thoughts spun into some giant whirwind in the back of his mind. He considered finding her again, going to her room, but what would that accomplish. He couldn't say anything important with Link around, and if her brother caught him in her room at night...   
Then there was the promise he had asked for. Everything he had said to her, was it true? He had never thought about it before, but the words were slowly becoming true in his mind. There was no way for him to be sure of his future anymore, or of what would happen to him. He could at least rest easy knowing that Lenalee would support him, no matter what he had to do.   
Allen laughed to himself, he had come outside to get rid of the confusion of his dream, but it had only been replaced by a different sort of confusion. Still, the images in his mind now, of Lenalee sitting next to him, outlined in the moonlight, were much more pleasnt. As he walked, he felt the confusion slowly lifting. He would decide how to thank her, how to react, next time they were alone. It was useless thinking about it until then. He would just smile and act like nothing had happened between the two of them.   
So Allen Walker returned to the castle, in the knowledge that he had given his first love a piece of what haunted his heart, and she had returned it with a promise and a kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if this one was cheesy. I wrote it when I was fourteen.


	3. The Crack in the Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allen finds out some things he'd rather not know and finally makes a move.

Allen~

Allen's head was spinning. All the terror of all of his nightmares was there in his mind, but what had just happened was no dream. He sat slumped against the wall of the room he was supposed to be changing in. Without of hope of rationing his thoughts long enough even to button his shirt properly, it hung from him, limp, and far too thin to protect him from the coldness of the stone wall. The boy tilted his head upward, staring into the patchwork of cracks in the ancient ceiling. "he," he laughed to himself, "So that's why I could see him before." Laughing sadly to himself, Allen continued on in his mind.

I suppose a part of me must have known this was coming. There were all those nightmares about being a noah. But, killing someone I love... he thought of his nightmare, of his other self killing Lenalee. The gruesome images filling his mind. "No!" he yelled to nobody, clutching his head and shaking it harshly. "I'd die before I'd..." he laughed again and murmered, "I'd die." He remebered the words he had blurted out to Lenalee the night before. Maybe a part of him really had known this was coming. Still, what he had said was even more important now. Allen struggled to stand up without shaking and finished getting dressed. He had to see her.

Wearing his new uniform, Allen looked considerably better. His purpose of seeking out Lenalee focused his mind, and kept his outer appearance from betraying the turmoil inside his head. A few minutes later he found her, asleep on a couch, with Johnny slumped against her. The sight of her face helped to further calm the chaos inside of him. Taking the blanket from it's place on the arm of the couch, he draped it over Lenalee and Johnny. Then Lenalee stirred slightly, and looked up at him.

"Allen?!" Lenalee's voice sounded suddenly.

"oh!" Allen was surprised at his own voice. Despite his surpise at Lenalee suddenly breaking the silence, his voice sounded calm enough. There was no trace of the shaking, tormented sounds that he had let out in that room alone. His eyes slipped to the side, he really was good at hiding his emotions.

"Where's my brother..." came Lenalee's shaky voice, not entirely awake. Allen smiled at her, or did is best too.

"He's still in there talking." after a moment he added, " you shouldn't move much Lenalee, you'll wake Johnny."

She nodded as Allen sat down beside her. The boy was painfully aware of how close they were. Their shoulders, their sides, were pressing against each other, with only the fabric of their uniforms between them.

"Allen?" came Lenalee's voice for a third time. Once again pulling him from his thoughts. "Your cheek, it's swollen." Surprised, Allen brushed it with the tip of one finger. Then he remembered.

"Yeah," he murmered, and more loudly, "My master hit me." Allen realized that Cross had hit him harder than he had realized. Even through his glove, his left cheek felt swollen and hot.

"Are you okay?" she sounded so concerned for him. Remembering the burden of the promise he had placed on her the night before, he forced himself into a half smile.

"yeah." was all he could manage. Allen felt his forced smile slipping. His real expression showed for just a moment. It was becoming harder and harder to hide his emotions from Lenalee. Even when he hid himself so carefully, she seemed to always find cracks in his mask of smiles. She always seemed to notice when his mind was off-kilter. Maybe that was why he liked her. Still, it was no good to worry her. Allen let his suddenly heavy eyelids droop. "It's nothing." he murmured, and felt Lenalee's head lean against his shoulder. Slowly, his head slumped against hers, and they both drifted into deep, dreamless sleep.

Lenalee~

Lenalee awoke slowly. Her eyelids fluttered open and closed, as she struggled to lift herself from the haze of a deep sleep. Then slowly, she realized where she was. She, Johnny, and Allen had all fallen asleep on the couch where she had waited the night before. Johnny had fallen asleep with his head in her lap. She herself, the girl realized, was leaning on Allen. Not wanting him to know she was awake, she looked up at him without moving her head.

Allen looked unlike how she'd ever seen him. There was no trace of the smiling face she knew so well. His eye's drooped only open in slits. His expression look mournful, desolate, he stared into space, as though he was deeply lost in thought. He turned his head ever so softly, and looked at her with a soft smile. Lenalee finally moved then, she stirred her head and brought her eyes to meet his.

"Allen," she whispered, and watched as his eyes slowly returned to the world around him, from whatever other place they had inhabited.

"Lenalee," he murmured, "When did?" he broke off, as though unsure what to say next. The girl watched as his sadness slipped from his face, replaced by a calm demeanor. However, it didn't seem false. For that moment, Allen looked as in peace as she felt, staring into each other's eyes. Then his eyes slipped from hers, and for a moment that same sadness slipped through, before being replaced by the slightest smile. Lenalee couldn't tell this time if it were real or false. Somehow, it felt like both. "We should get up," came Allen's whispered voice again. He nodded to the sleeping form on the other side of them, and added, "before we wake him."

Still lost in the mystery of Allen's shifting appearance, she could only nod as he stood up. She gently slid Johnny's head from her lap, and joined Allen standing by the window. After watching the remnants of the previous night's storm slowly drizzle down from the sky for a moment, she turned to watch the figure beside her. Her eyes skimmed over his snow white hair, and the cursed crimson red scar that trailed down the side of his face, across his eye. She then realized that she still didn't know the truth about his scar, although she had known him for almost a year. The cursed mark was there every time she looked at him, yet, after the first time she saw it, she never really noticed it again till now. Did it have something to do with Mana, the unknown person who seemed to fill his memories. Allen spoke volumes about the man in his eyes, and in his silent whispering memories, but never out loud.

His past must have been painful. Even her brother, who had witnessed the night of his curse through the memory of Allen's golem, refused to tell her. He said it was something Allen should say for himself. Who was this person standing beside her? This strange, brave, beautiful person who she had been so enchanted by. Lenalee was surprised herself. Enchanted? Was that really how she felt? She looked into the eyes of the boy next to her. The eyes that usually glimmered so brightly, but were now dulled with sadness and, was it, confusion. She remembered her sudden panic two nights previous, where she had given her first kiss to this boy, lost in a flurry of emotions. Yes, she realized. Lenalee Lee was completely enchanted by Allen Walker. She wanted to know him. She wanted to know the mystery of the curse that he had so embraced to fight with. She wanted to know why his hair was white, and why his eyes looked so sad. She wanted to know the truth about his memories, and what drove him to fight so hard. Yet, more than anything, she wanted to know what he thought of her, and why he hadn't mentioned the fleeting kiss.

She sighed, and lost herself once more in his silver eyes.

Allen~

Allen could feel Lenalee's eyes on him. He stared out the window, watching the last remnants of the rainstorm, and he felt her eyes, staring at his scar. Aside from Kanda, none of the others mentioned his hair or his scar anymore, and at times he could forget how different he looked from normal people. His arm too. His skin, even his nails, were jet black, and the black faded off at his shoulder in a pattern like some elaborate tattoo. He was used to being stared at, but it felt different with Lenalee. He wanted to appear normal to her, he wanted to hide his flaws.

He'd have to tell her someday of course, about the scar, and the curse. If it was Lenalee, maybe he'd even tell her about Mana. He would have to tell someone eventually, and he knew Lenalee would understand.

Then he remembered what he had vowed to do next time he was alone with Lenalee. How could he tell her, make her understand what he wanted her to? She made his head spin when he was calm, and brought him back to earth when his head was spinning. Her kiss that night had shattered him, and put him back together at the same time. Maybe that was it. Her kiss had only been a brief moment. Their lips had only brushed, and with anyone else, it could almost have been and accident.

Then Allen's body seemed to move on its own, as though controlled my some ancient memory. He turned to Lenalee, and she looked up at him, surprised. His arm slipped around her, and he gently pulled her closer to him. He saw her deep violet eyes glimmering with surprise and enchantment, and he lost the last bits of his rational thought. His terror of her brother no longer mattered, nor his fear of being rejected by her. He moved his head, and slowly brought their lips together.

Lenalee~

Lenalee was shocked, ten thousand things swirled in her head as Allen's lips pressed against hers. Her eyes slipped closed, and her mind seemed to disappear entirely, as if rational thought was no longer possible. All too soon, after only a few brief seconds, although each second could have been an eternity, their lips parted. Allen's face remained close to hers, as he pulled her closer, and whispered softly.

"Thank you Lenalee," came his voice, barely audible, "for everything." Without meaning to move them, Lenalee felt her own arms encircle Allen, and in that instant, their lips met again. This kiss was different, however. It wasn't just the meeting of their lips. After a moment, Allen's mouth seemed to open against hers, ever so slightly. For a moment, his tongue seemed to brush against her lips, and her eyes snapped open in surprise.

Then suddenly, before she could react, he wasn't there anymore. The gentle arms that had encircled her until a moment before were gone suddenly. She saw Allen standing several feet away, looking as surprised as she felt. His face flitted through so many emotions, and for a moment, he seemed completely panicked, and unsure. Then his face stopped, and he suddenly looked so apologetic, regretful.

"Lenalee I" He broke off as she stepped closer to him. He refused to make eye contact. "I'm sorry." and then more quietly, "I should go." his eyes still on the ground, Lenalee watched in confusion as he turned and fled the room, his eyes on the ground.

Lenalee's eyes were still wide. Allen, the mystery she had been so enchanted by, had kissed her. Not just the meeting of their lips, she realized. He had been searching for a deeper kiss, and in her surprise, she had refused it, and driven him away. She was tempted to run after him, to tell him that it was all right, that what he had done wasn't wrong, but her feet felt glued to the ground.

Suddenly she felt ashamed. She had wasted the moment, that she had longed for. A moment alone with the person she cared so much about. A chance to show him how much she cared. No longer able to stay in the room, she fled, as quickly as she could. After a moment of running, she caught herself. Her brother couldn't see her in that kind of panic. She leaned against the wall, until she had caught her breath and her senses.

After a moment, she looked back at the room she had come from. Where Johnny lay fast asleep, and where the rain was dying away past the wide windows, and where Lenalee had lost her chance at her first real kiss. Then she turned towards the other hallway. The path leading to a new building, a new chapter of life, and possibly, to Allen. Lenalee Lee turned, and continued down the hall, away from where she had come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this was so long in coming guys. I've had it written for a super long time. I honestly just forgot about this account. I update a lot more on fanfiction


	4. From the Boy in the Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short continuation of chapter 3 from Allen's perspective

Allen~

The moment Allen regained his rationality, he found himself kissing Lenalee. Not like the kiss she had given, him, however. He felt himself searching for a deeper kiss. Confused and lightheaded, he stumbled back from Lenalee. His face shifted through a thousand emotions all at once, as what had just happened came pouring into his mind.

His body had moved on it's own, caught up in some ancient instinct, some deep hidden memory. He hadn't even known how to kiss until he had kissed her. He could feel the knowledge in his mind, just out of reach. It would surface again though, Allen supposed, the next time he found himself kissing someone.

Then the shame hit. His eyes slid to the floor, and he was finally aware of Lenalee's gaze, she was staring at him. He had kissed her. He had kissed Lenalee Lee, but she hadn't come close to kissing him back. She had stood there stiff and surprised. He felt his face flushing, ten thousand apologies were in his mind, but he couldn't bring his sorry eyes to meet hers.

"Lenalee I." he choked on the words. Was he really sorry? His brain was yelling at him. Wasn't it worth the confusion and embarrassment, to kiss the girl he loved? The modest part of his mind fought back. He was wrong to have kissed her. She hadn't wanted the kiss, that much was obvious. "I'm sorry." He choked out the rest of his words. He then added, in a pathetic voice, "I should go."

After leaving the room as quickly as he could without running, Allen sprinted as soon as he was through the doorway, out of Lenalee's sight. He kept running until he reached the end of the long hallway, where he caught himself, panting. He swallowed hard, and forced himself to breathe slowly until his heartbeat was back to normal.

After several minutes, Allen felt his spinning head slowly return to Earth. Sighing, he stepped out into the main hall, went to go search for Link. It wouldn't have done any good to go back to Lenalee, he woulnd't have known what to say. The only thing he could do was wait, until he had a moment to apologize, and hope things turned out for the best.


	5. The Dreams Behind the Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allen daydreams of Lenalee

Allen~

It was late, and Allen was watching the rain. It had been weeks since he had kissed Lenalee. Since then, he had discovered many terrible things. The memories of the 14th had been implanted withing him. One day it would take him over. He remembered the terror of his nightmares of the 14th, and shuddered. The whole order knew he was a monster now. Everyone knew he was a Noah.

The next day, Allen and Lenalee were scheduled to go on a mission together. Allen hadn't dared to so much as look at her since that night, and now they would be spending several days alone, with only Link as company. Unable to sleep from worry, Allen had returned to the room where he had kissed Lenalee. He sat on the bench by the window, and stared into the dark oblivion beyond the storm.

"The fourteenth..." he whispered softly. It hardly mattered, he told himself, kissing a girl. Not when his very being might be erased at any moment, his body taked over by some unknown enemy. Yet, thoughts of Lenalee kept surfacing as specks of light over the darkness inside of him. He thought of the promise she had made to him that night in the woods. The very thought of her had a calming effect. Very slowly, Allen drifted asleep to the image of Lenalee's smile.

Lenalee~

Lenalee woke up tired. Her dreams were a distant for in her head, just beyond recognition, yet still so distracting. She would be leaving for a mission with Allen in a few hours. Allen! She breathed sharply. They hadn't spoken since the night he kissed her. Lenalee remembered that night, with all its pain and pleasure and embarrassment. The next day she had discovered the truth about Allen. A truth so terrible it should surly have cured her of her infatuation. Despite that, that day seemed like nothing compared to the night before it.

As she dressed Lenalee thought of Allen, and his mystery. From the beginning he had enchanted her, acting like such a gentleman, but holding such darkness within him. She remembered her promise from a certain starlit night. Her promise to help him keep himself from doing wrong. At the time, she hadn't thought anything would come from that promise... but now was different. Now everyone knew that Allen would one day be taken over by the fourteenth, and the possibility of helping him destroy himself was much realer.

Leaving her room, Lenalee shook away her dark thoughts, and headed to her brother's office. Instead, she focused on the mission ahead.

Allen~

A few hours after waking up, Allen was with Lenalee and Link in a private train compartment. Lenalee gazed out the window absentmindedly, and Allen happily lost himself in her eyes. They were deep violet, and glimmered like starshine. In the starlight of her eyes, Allen saw himself and Lenalee outlined. Their shadow figures sat together, and seemed to be talking. They stood and danced together in the ocean of violet, sending swirls of stardust flying around their feet. The figures leaned in close to each other, about to kiss. Then Allen's sillouette morphed into the grotesque image of the fourteenth, and snapped Lenalee's neck, before turning and laughing.

Allen snapped awake in a panic. He had drifted asleep, and his innocent daydream had turned into a nightmare. He recalled with terror the moment he had changed into the fourteenth, and shuddered.

"Allen?" Lenalee asked. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," he replied. "I had an unpleasnt dream."

"me too. You woke me." then after a paused she continued, "I'd rather not talk about it."

"me neither." The two sat in silence for several minutes. Allen thought of his dream, and of the real threat it contained. If he got too close to Lenalee, she could get hurt. Still, some terrible hungry part of himself wouldn't let her go. She saw through his facade, and he loved her too much for it. "Lenalee," he whispered. "You have wonderful eyes."

"What was that?"

"Nothing."


	6. Shattering the Mask

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allen and Lenalee battle together, and things grow heated from post fight adrenaline.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I finally have a good length new chapter for you guys. There's gonna be a lot of explanation type stuff in the bottom author's note. Enjoy!

Allen~

An hour after the nightmare incident, Allen and Lenalee were trapped together in an alleyway and flanked by akuma on all sides. They were pressed back to back, panting hard. Allen could hear his pulse racing in his ears, and he could feel his sword growing heavier in his hands.

One demon raced at them suddenly, and Allen struggled to hold it back above them with his sword. He knew they would lose if things drew out any longer. He could hear the other demons moving closer to them beyond his vision. Just as he tensed himself to try and push away the demon he was holding back, Lenalee's pressure disappeared from behind him, and then she was grabbing his shoulders.

"Allen," she whispered. "do you have enough left to hold me up for a few seconds?"

"I think," Allen grunted. He was running out of strength fast.

The second he responded, he felt all of Lenalee's weight on his back. Her palms and her nails digging into his skin. Then he felt awe as he watched her flip gracefully above his head and dig her boots into the demon's face. Allen felt as though time had slowed in that second, and the world slowed to a crawl as Lenalee let go of him, and launched herself off of the akuma. She twisted ever so slowly through the air before landing on his arm, and Allen caught her millisecond glance before she launched herself up to the end of his sword.

"On the count of five!" Lenalee stared at Allen and he nodded in response. For the first time in a long while, he felt a sort of steady certainty. They could do this.

"One." Allen launched clown belt through the skull of the last level three.

"Two" Lenalee tensed herself against the surface of the sword.

"Three." Allen used his innocence to bolster his arm and support Lenalee

"Four." The exorcists met each other's eyes, and Lenalee gave him the slightest smile

"Five." Allen threw Lenalee forward as she launched herself away from him, and she hurtled feet first into the demon. As soon as she had damaged it, she lept back into the air, and Allen bound the level four's limbs with innocence. He lifted his sword over its head, and Lenalee hurtled down onto the handle as he thrust it through the demon's skull. Its head warped and bubbled before combusting with a sickening splat, and the rest of its body followed.

Allen grinned breathlessly at Lenalee, and she laughed as she returned his gaze. "worked even better than last time."

The boy laughed, "soon we'll be able to do it without nearly passing out." Allen's head was light and spinning. He was filled with adrenaline and giddy from victory, but he could already feel the consequences of his overexertion. His knees buckled without warning, and he colapsed into Lenalee.

Lenalee~

Lenalee gasped as Allen fell into her. He leaned against her body, arms around her neck. Ten thousand emotions wracked through Lenalee's brain. Shock and surprise at the sudden contact, fear and worry for Allen's well being, and somewhere deep down she was happy for the his closeness.

Before she could move or react, she heard a sharp intake of breath, and then Allen's weight was gone. He stumbled away from her, and looked as though he was fighting to stay upright.

They stared at each other, but Lenalee couldn't meet Allen's gaze. She could feel his eyes on her face, she could picture his sad, appologetic expression, but she couldn't meet his eyes. All of her twisted emotions had merged into one feeling. It was love. The girl's head was clouded with love and desire, and an absolute need to be closer to the boy in front of her. Despite the recognition of her feelings, she was afraid to move. Afraid that she would cry if she saw his face. Afraid that she couldn't take seeing that stiff mask he always wore, keeping her away from his real emotion. Her fear kept her from meeting his eyes, and then he whispered her name. He mumbled three sylables and nothing mattered anymore, except for closing the distance between them.

Her head was suddenly crystal clear, focused the way it was in battle. The pieces of her world fell away from her mind until one was left. She had one person to love above all else, to make up her world, to protect and to be protected by. Lenalee Lee half ran and half jumped until the distance between herself and her love was almost nothing. Then she looked up, and stared into his eyes.

Allen~

Allen Walker was standing very very close to the girl he was in love with. She was staring into his eyes, and he was staring at hers. He could see determination written on her face. There was determination and something else.

In that moment he was painfully aware of how open he was. His carefully buily mask was gone, and everything he felt was there for the world to see. Of course, the world was standing right in front of him, staring into his eyes. Then he decided that the world would just have to deal with Allen Walker for a minute or two. He flashed Lenalee a look of mischeif and pulled her against his chest in an embrace. He heard her gasp, and then she wrapped her arms around him and burried her head in his neck.

"Lenalee I,"

"Shut up."

"But I just,"

"I'm sure you have something very important to say Allen, but at the moment I couldn't care less."

Allen smiled sadly and leaned his head closer to Lenalee's. "I'm sorry Lenalee." His head was filled with ten-million regrets. He wished he had never kissed her, he wished he had never worried her, never avoided her, never burdened her with his fears on that first starlit night.

"I don't care Allen. I don't care what you think you did wrong, so just stop being sorry."

"One more apology, a different kind, and then we can let this die."

Allen watched Lenalee lift her head and look at him again. "One more, and then we go back to normal." She looked like she might cry.

There was something about her expression then, in the joy and the sadness and the trust. There was something that had Allen falling even deeper in love with her.

Lenalee~

There were a lot of things Lenalee was expecting Allen's appology to be. Maybe he would bow or offer to buy her something. Something kind but distant, something that fit with the gentleman act. What she wasn't expecting, was the sudden sensation of Allen's lips pressed against the skin next to her ear. She wasn't expecting a slow trail of kisses down her cheek, melting her thoughts into an incoherent mass of lovesickness and desire. She wasn't expecting her heartrate to triple as Allen traced circles with one thumb where he was holding her waist. Every move he made defied Lenalee's expectations, and she didn't want it any other way.

Then he wasn't kissing her anymore. He was looking her in the eye, and looking at her lips. Lenalee nodded ever so slightly, and Allen's lips pressed into hers. With her head spinning like a hurricane, Lenalee matched the way Allen was kissing her. It was slow and gentle and careful, but it was enough.

Lenalee felt like she was living in a daydream, but everything felt too real to be an illusion. Suddenly, she felt the urge to stretch that moment on for eternity. She pulled her lips away from Allen's with tears in her eyes.

"Allen," she was breathless and chokeing back sobs. "I don't want to go back to normal. I can't just go back and pretaend this never happened. You can't just kiss me and tell me to act like I still see you as nothing more than a friend!." Tears were streaming down her face, and part of her was ashamed for yelling.

"Lenalee. You kissed me."

"Well what did you think I was going to do?" She was practically screaming at that point. Her heart was racing and she felt sad and furious and exhilerated all at the same time.

"I thought... I didn't know you..." Lenalee had never seen Allen look so shocked. "I thought I would just kiss you one more time and appologize and let you bury this. I thought I made a mistake that other night. I thought you didn't-"

"Allen! You caught me by surprise that night. I wasn't mad! Just a little embarrassed." Lenalee felt like laughing. Their whole situation had been built on misunderstandings. Allen liked her! She would have been screaming for joy if the whole situation hadn't been so ridiculous.

"Lenalee," Allen was smiling. Allen was smiling happily and wholeheartedly for the first time in far too long. "We can be anything you want us to be, and I'd do anything to be with you like this again."

"Allen." Lenalee was giggling as she spoke, and she felt as though her heart was pumping out pure, undiluted joy. "You are a complete idiot, and it is very endearing." For a few seconds everything was perfect. They were both sitting neatly in their place in the world, and neither of them wanted anything to change. Then Lenalee watched the happiness bleed out of Allen's face.

"You know, they'll have us separated if anyone at the order finds out."

Lenalee felt herself reterning to reality in all if its coldness and harshness. Her life would never be a fairy tale. She knew the pit of darkness in Allen's heart better than anyone, and she understood every inch of his fear. "I know Allen, but you're worth any punishment central can give me."

Allen nodded, and Lenalee's heart fell as he smiled at her. She never knew someone could smile so wide and look so sad at the same time.

"In that case Lenalee, let's go find Link before he finds us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter took place sometime after the death of Cross Marian arc, but before the Phantom Thief G arc. Link was nowhere to be seen because Allen and Lenalee gave him the innocence. The idea was that he took it and ran off somewhere to keep it safe, while Allen and Lenalee dealt with the akuma. They were supposed to meet up right after the fighting was over. I also have a note about the chapter before this one. They took the train instead of the ark because it was more convenient for the mission. Allen had never been close enough to the town they were in to set up a gate, but it was only about an hour's train ride away. The order decided to just send both Allen and Lenalee by train, since it was simpler than fussing with the ark.
> 
> Ok so there's a lot of things in this chapter that I've been wanting to do for a while. I'm really happy I got to work in the dynamic of them fighting together, and it was really fun to do. This chapter also got a lot more emotional than it was supposed to. The kiss thing was supposed to be just like post battle adrenaline when I started, but instead it turned into angst fest. It works though, since this whole thing is pretty angsty.
> 
> Also, I'm warning you guys now that the next chapter will probably be pretty short. My idea for it was originally gonna be part of this chapter, but I couldn't find a way to make the transition work. You guys'll just have to put up with a mini chapter for the next update.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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